The only way we’ll get to stop hearing about all this perpetual nonsense in the Middle East is if these countries square off and get it over with. This is an equitable and cost-effective way to accomplish the objective, entertaining and could even bring our beleaguered economy back from the dead.
It’s something our hyper-powered nation has done before — no stretch for us/U.S. Our war-mongering populace would embrace this plan like we did a backwoods, cocaine-snorting, Texas-Leaguer, spoiled brat running the world’s most powerful country.
Besides, we are so bored with Iraq and Afghanistan — WE NEED FRESH BLOOD, GUTS AND SUFFERING!
Five points of merit:
1. Money up both sides of the Gaza strip! (What’s another trillion dollars to meddle in the affairs of our world neighbors?) Above and beyond the $3 billion we give them annually, thanks to AAPAC.
2. Send in the illegal arms dealers to pimp the newest and best artillery wares (available exclusively from our Military Industrial Complex that facilitates so many jobs). Hopefully, they will be CIA agents that worked for Bush Sr. and know how to increase the coffers for the Republican re-election soiree slated to be held at Ground Zero. (How touching!) We might even be able to flush out some double agents in the process.
3. This is the fun part! Have Rupert Murdock create the 24-hour War Channel and through his well-groomed lobbyists gain exclusive rights to ground, air drone and satellite footage.
4. Hawk the contract to Sheldon Adelson in Vegas, where they take online gaming odds and give some skim to the American people as a rebate for these difficult times.
There are so many angles to bet: Casualties, suicide bombers, deaths of civilians, and of course, that day someone finally pulls the trigger and our earth has a “nuclear experience.” To quote one of my favorite cartoon characters: “Happy, Happy! Joy, Joy!”
5. This is when things get really good. Halliburton, Bectel and Booze Allen move in to manufacture Holy Land Glass for all of the religious institutions to replace their exquisite stained-glass windows. An immediate shot in our pin-cushioned arm to boost our drunken, staggering unemployment rate.
Unless I am overlooking some glaring issue, I am going to start saving some scratch to wager on this lucrative venture.
Let the games begin! I might even get a high-speed satellite connection to gain that competitive edge.