Damian Nash cites flatulence in "church"
Mar 23, 2005 | 1377 views | 0 0 comments | 6 6 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Please excuse me for broaching an indelicate but important subject: Flatulence in church. This weekend, in the middle of church service, four guys started racing up and down the aisle, farting loudly. It created quite a spectacle, and they seemed quite smug about it. I couldn’t believe it. Here I was, sitting in the House of the Lord, and having to endure the grossest and most obnoxious form of desecration imaginable.

Talking about this incident afterwards, I learned that it was not an isolated event, many others have seen the same behavior in their churches in recent years. As a high-school teacher I’m aware that certain teenage boys find loud, public farting humorous. I also know that in college dormitories and fraternities lighting farts on fire is done for sport and entertainment. Whatever crude young men choose to do in private is their business. But I was taught as a child to muffle my emissions in church, and to excuse myself from the pew if any odor was forthcoming. Is it really so much to ask the same consideration from others?

I’m feeling like an old guy, wondering what has changed in America that farting so blatantly in church has become acceptable. Have shows like “Beavis and Butthead” and “South Park” changed American culture so dramatically that nothing is sacred and public desecration is becoming a favorite pastime of young men? I am deeply saddened that my church has attracted such despoilers, and am asking Moab citizens to take a stand with me against this odious and odorous new activity.

Now, for the rest of the story.... My “church” is a cathedral-like canyon close to Moab. For me it is the most sacred place on Earth, a place that inspires me to pray, meditate and seek divine guidance while listening to a choir of birdsong, accompanied by a babbling brook and breezes in the trees. The “flatulence” was coming from four un-muffled dirt bikes and OHVs. They filled the canyon with obnoxious, fart-like noise and smelly, fart-like exhaust. When the riders stopped to say “hi” they were nice young men who seemed quite pleased with themselves and their actions. So I am writing them, and all their kindred spirits in Grand County. Please think of what your reaction would be if you had to put up with four loud machines zooming up and down the center aisle of your church in a cloud of white smoke, and then try to understand how it angers and saddens me to have to put up with so much rude flatulence during my worship service in the House of the Lord outdoors.

–Damian Nash


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